Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Is it too soon?

So next week marks 2 months home (yaaay!) and I'm wondering.......Is it too soon for the hubby and I to have a date night?!?!  I've spoken to two different social workers that both say it's absolutely NOT too soon, and we should definitely have our night out.  This is great!  Right?  Hmmm.....but then I start thinking about what I've read in THE BOOK. You know, the adoption/attachment book that we all have. And I totally second guess myself, and my social workers, and think that (according to the book) maybe it is too soon, and therefore will cause regression and confusion for Maddyx. This is the last thing I want. Ugggh! Here's the stats.... he's totally social, does not have breakdowns when we leave the room, and is also clearly attached to us as his parents (he shows all of 'the signs').

So here's my question to all of you Mamas.  If he's completely comfortable and doesn't have any sort of freak out moment, is it OK to leave him (at our house) with the grandparents for a few hours????  How long did you all wait???  Please, leave your comments.  I welcome your insight!!

Seriously, this is the only date night I've had.  And it did not include my husband....or leaving my house....or wine.  lol.  Can you guess who it was with?  Here's a hint.....

Yep, Mama and Maddyx having salmon!


  1. The pictures of your date night are sooo cute and your house looks amazing and so does the salmon! To answer your question, we waited 6 weeks with #1 and 11 days with #2! My, how things change with #2! My parents really had to push us with #1 and I am so glad they did. It is so important for you guys to have that time together. You will probably talk about Maddyx most of the time but it is so necessary to get out and have fun couple time! I say go for it!!!
    xoxo, Paige

  2. We did our first date a couple of weeks after we came home. We went to an afternoon football game (Vikings-Lions, an annual tradition since our second date in 2002). We had my inlaws visit several times in the 2 preceeding weeks so that Ben was comfortable with them. He did great with them. However, the first nap and bedtime afterward were rough. That said, I would do it again.

  3. I love your date night with M - you even lit candles - how romantic :) Well, I'm not the one to ask since we've been home almost 4 months and no date night. If we had grandparents who lived in town, I think we'd feel comfortable leaving Max with them for 2 or 3 hours during the day, but we are not ready to leave him at night. But every kid (and adult) is different and you need to decide for yourself. We are chafing at the bit to go out to dinner by ourselves but I'm just not sure when that's going to happen. Soon, hopefully, because we need a date to keep us sane. (For now, we've had date dinners at home after he goes to bed) I know some adoptive parents who waited like a year to go out. That's not us, though. I'd go crazy waiting that long! Good luck with your decision....

  4. i say go for it!!
    you know maddyx the best...and you know what it's taken to get to the point you're at now. couple time is so very important (says i and our social worker)...both you and hubby will be happier and more relaxed after the date - and maddyx will most certainly notice! :)
    damon and i are preparing for our first "day date" since being back with leo on saturday. we are hoping for just a few hours out of the house . and i can't wait.
    enjoy your date!!! (whenever you decide to go)

  5. We waited about 4-5 months before going out on a date. But I know some couples who went out a week after their child came home. I think it just depends on how comfortable you are with it, and how your child is doing. Chances are, 2-3 hours with Grandma and Grandpa isn't going to negatively affect attachment. But I know the fear behind leaving your child, too! Let us know what you decide!

  6. From the few visits I've had with you and Maddyx, there are two very obvious things I see.....well three. First, you were meant to be a Mom (Maddyx's Mom at that) and he was meant to be your son. Second, he is an absolutely beautiful boy with such an amazing spirit. Lastly, there is no question in my mind that he LOVES LOVES LOVES you and you two have clearly bonded.
    How about trying date night, go somewhere close so if he has a hard time, you can come right home and comfort him. He may do just fine and you will have a much needed date night. If he doesn't, you'll know he's not ready yet.
    PS. If the grandparents aren't available, I know a realllllllly good babysitter....LOL! Love you.

  7. Oh man, it's Annie by the way. I had to be Anonymous ?????

  8. You should go out! From what you have written I don't think he should have any problems. Of course you need the art of distraction to leave From what I experienced when I went to a denist appt and left Matthew with my parents was he did fine but as soon as he saw me come back home he clung to me. But that's to be expected. I'm a little late with this comment so I hope you decided to have a date night!

  9. We went out about 2 weeks after our son came home. Grandma and Grandpa watched him at our house and he was fine, but very clingy to me when we got home about 2 hours later. Your dinner date with your son looks like a nice, quiet dinner! :)


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